drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
