The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
