can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
whose parrot is this?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
