my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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