And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
