I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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