I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
