oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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