apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
