I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
