That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
