My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
