Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
