he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
