He disabled his match.com account in front of me
your room smells of hookers.
And success
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
