around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
