she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
