my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize