Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
