she takes plan B like it's going out of style
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize