Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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