the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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