Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
