My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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