she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
