At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
