And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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