she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I could fuck to npr.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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