Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
