no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
