I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
NoShamevember. You game?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
