Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
