Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
