a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
