You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
