i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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