Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
