i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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