drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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