I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I need help removing her.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
