I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
