i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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