im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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