so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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