we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
