I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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