She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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