I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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