I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
