...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
