Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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