She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
