There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
BRING THE BAGELS
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
