I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
