Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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