No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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