I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
