we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
