My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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