Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
