That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My liver just broke up with me...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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