hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
