You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I will be naked everywhere
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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