I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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