i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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