There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
