idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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