why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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