Jerry, you need to find god
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
