Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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