Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
