alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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