Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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