Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
