i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
