Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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