Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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