you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
please come you make the beer taste better
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
