My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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