Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
two words: eviction party
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
